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23 March 2010 @ 09:12 pm
Layday (Or: How Love Is Like An Unanswered Phone)  
Title: Layday (Or: How Love Is Like An Unanswered Phone)
Author: didzease
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys and never have previously either.
A/N: I am on a hiatus. But alas, I posted a fic meme @ my journal and all went awry because tini_91 requested J/P ;) It's (to put it lightly) not a very cheerful ficlet, so don't read if you're desperate for fluffy lightness ;)



Layday (Or: How Love Is Like An Unanswered Phone)


It takes John's days, weeks, no months to realise he is in love with Paul. And then it takes him even longer to try and say it to his friend.

[...]

Try #2

“Hey,” Paul greets John, when the teddy boy walks into the younger boys' room the first post-gig day.

“Hi,” John greets back, shrugging off his leather jacket, and sitting on Paul's old wooden chair, kicking his legs onto the desk. “So um, about the performance yesterday-”

“It was great, wunnit?” Paul says, smiling, turning to lay on his back. John nods, tries to say it , but Paul interrupts him before he has a chance to open his mouth. “Thought that girl that came up to me was hot, did you?” he winks at John.

John swallows and nods. It's not what he planned on saying when he rang the bell, not what he intended to say the moment Mike let him in. It wasn't the line he repeated to himself when he walked up the stairs. Instead they go on about playing the guitar, and Paul mentions the girls a few times again.

John doesn't listen to him. He is only aware of how he has failed, again.

[...]

Try #7

“Don't you think it looks silly?” John asks, pulling worriedly at his new haircut. Paul stands in front of John, and pulls at the auburn mop as well. Then he pats at John's cheeks with both his hands, smiles, and lets go.

“It's fine, John,” Paul says, still close enough for John to reach out and touch him. To lean forwards and kiss him, declaring love.

He doesn't. Paul walks away, and the moment is lost on them.

[...]

Try #15

“Lads!” John shouts when he walks into the hotel room, to find only Paul. “Oh, it's you,” he says, “did you hear about us yet?”

“Hear what?” Paul asks, looking up from his guitar. “That we are great together?” he huffs out a laugh, “because I've been told that a million times the past couple of years.”

And yeah, it is an opportunity but John ignores it, the pain in his chest. Instead he says, “no, we have a number 1 hit again!” Paul spontaneously hugs him at this news, and John is slightly overwhelmed. He pushes Paul back and mutters 'queer'.

Paul laughs amicably.

[...]

Try #30

“John,” Paul says, a girl hanging off his arm, giggling madly and John wonders if she is legal, “this is...”

“I know who she is, Paul,” he replies, no, snorts. The relationship between Paul and Jane hasn't been good this last year, and Paul brings his mistresses to John so he can check them out. “I know what she is,” he clarifies himself. Paul knows what that means.

“Oh?” Paul says. “No good, she's then?” John looks up at his friend, meeting an annoyed face. “I thought we were mates, John,” he says. Then he stalks away.

John turns his head away and lets it pass in silence.

[...]

Try #39

“This is Yoko,” John introduces her to Paul.

“Hi, Yoko,” Paul says, glaring at the Japanese woman.

“Pleased to meet you,” Yoko says in her stuttering English. “I heard so many about you.”

Paul smiles, tightly. John wants to shout, wants to tell Paul he'll always be the one for Paul, tell he loves Paul.

He doesn't. It is a last-second decision.

[...]

Try #51

John writes Jealous Guy. He hopes it gets the message across to Paul, but it never makes it. Their row rages on.

[...]

Try #60

The Double Fantasy sessions are coming to an end, and John tries to call Paul. He has been unavailable, out of reach to anybody it seems (except that John knows that George and the bassist have been speaking in the mean time).

This time, too, the line goes dead before John manages contact.

[...]

Less than a month later, John finds himself laying on the concrete paths of New York City. He feels the blood slowly pool around him and decides, finally, finally, at last, to give up trying.


There is nothing you can do that can't be done. And John finds he can't do it.


 
 
 
Lorah: beatleboysinfinityuphigh on March 23rd, 2010 11:45 pm (UTC)
;__; this is so, so, so very heartbreaking. It made me really tear up. I love how you conveyed the emotions in this and I love how realistic it was.

"There is nothing you can do that can't be done. And John finds he can't do it."

Thiiis. ;___;

This was beautiful, though, a real work of art, I loved it.
L'amour, la malade lamentable: John/Paul mirrordidzease on March 24th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
Aw, I'm glad you liked it ^^ Comments like these really mean a lot (though, since you are a writer yourself, you probably are aware of that)
221450 on March 24th, 2010 02:23 am (UTC)
Ah~ this is really sad, I feel bad for John.
great fic!
withalittlewitwithalittlewit on March 24th, 2010 02:39 am (UTC)
decides, finally, finally, at last, to give up trying.
Oh God. Oh, oh, God. That line was just so... It conveyed so much in so little. His pain, his heartbreak in loving Paul and never being able to tell him, and it's almost like a relief to finally be rid of the pain.
That was absolutely fantastic. A beautiful read.
L'amour, la malade lamentable: Sutcliffe [Stu] ♥didzease on March 24th, 2010 07:20 pm (UTC)
:/ Not all fics can end happily, I guess... I'm glad the message of the words came across properly, and that you think it to be fantastic :)
quazonic: Paul - sad? xDquazonic on March 24th, 2010 09:03 am (UTC)
You KNOW I laugh at inappropriate moments but oh gosh that was really sad and I love the use of All You Need is Love at the end cos it packs a right punch and why the hell is this a really long run-on sentence?

*breathes*

I'M HIGH. I BLAME YOU because of those HILARIOUS lines I quoted to you already. Guess that makes this comment shorter then. xD
L'amour, la malade lamentable: myself/MUSIC!didzease on March 24th, 2010 07:14 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE JUST SO. OH MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. YOU CAN'T TAKE A SINGLE THING SERIOUS.

(you know my take on this. open your light!)
quazonic: Paul - sad? xDquazonic on March 25th, 2010 10:26 am (UTC)
You know, today while lunching with people I suddenly realised that what I told you might only be true for Chinese... SO I'LL HAVE TO CHECK IF IT'S THE SAME FOR JAPANESE! XD
beatmy_heartout: John/Paul Ed Sullivan smilebeatmy_heartout on March 24th, 2010 09:08 am (UTC)
OH.MY.GOD. :((((((((((( This was so amazing and so devastating. I absolutely love it.
framed_words on March 24th, 2010 11:05 am (UTC)
That was brilliant. I love the way this story is set out.
Astridbeagle_agent on March 24th, 2010 03:45 pm (UTC)
Already read this yesterday, but had no time to comment. Sad and heartbreaking.
Good writing. You should write more JP again...

Astrid
L'amour, la malade lamentable: M/A golden dragondidzease on March 24th, 2010 07:18 pm (UTC)
Ah well, you know Astrid, I'll see whether inspiration strikes and if it does I'll write. If it doesn't, I don't. It's not worth writing something while it doesn't make you feel good.
floo powder power!: trainemiliaparanoica on March 25th, 2010 10:09 am (UTC)
Stopped by to read this.
That was so incredibly sad, it must be so painful to hide something all of your life... But anyway. I like the idea, really sad, I like sad stories. ^_^
floo powder power!: trainemiliaparanoica on March 25th, 2010 10:10 am (UTC)
oh, I have to confirm I am a HUMAN to post the comment, LOL, well, I don't know...
away.: ♕ → the bones of youodalique on April 11th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
the ending is so powerful. my face right now: D: